


I dedicate my heart to you

by Anyarein



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: After Death Experience, Anxiety, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, Character's Name Spelled as Hanji, Drama, Eren Yeager Being an Asshole, Everyone loves Hange in this house, F/M, Gen, Hange Zoë Character Study, Hange and Levi are the 104th's parents, Hange getting the appreciation and recognition she deserves, Heavy Angst, Heavy Drama because I grew up on teleseryes, Hurt/Comfort, I kept Hanji-san bc Ms. Hanji doesn't have the same ring or respect sksk, Levihans and Hanji Stans, Nonbinary Hange Zoë, Out of Character Eren Yeager, Panic Attacks, Paths (Shingeki no Kyojin), She/Her and They/Them Pronouns for Hange Zoë, Shingeki no Kyojin Chapter 132: Wings of Freedom, This Is For You, What was I supposed to do, Words of this fic instead and yet, Zeke Yeager Character Study, but mostly levihan, canon is a suggestion ive decided to ignore, change, hange zoe supremacy, i projected myself into the characters and worshipped hanji, no beta we die like men, subtle they/they pronouns, yes because you are still enby with she/her pronouns, your oc probably loves Hange too, zekehan is onesided obviously and mobuhan is there if you squint
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-12 09:35:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29757651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anyarein/pseuds/Anyarein
Summary: “Dedicate your heart.” I dedicate my heart to you. I love you. Carry me wherever you go.“You did well, Hanji.”When she takes Moblit’s hand, Hanji instead wakes up in Paths.OrMy love letter to the Hanji stans and Levihan fandom:An introspective dedication to the most underrated character, Hanji Zoe, love of my life, queen of my heart.
Relationships: Eren Yeager & Hange Zoë, Erwin Smith & Hange Zoë, Levi Ackerman & Hange Zoë, Levi Ackerman/Hange Zoë, LeviHan, Moblit Berner & Hange Zoë, Moblit Berner/Hange Zoë, Zeke Yeager/Hange Zoë
Comments: 13
Kudos: 35





	I dedicate my heart to you

Hanji looks up to the sky at the flying boat, knowing how much she wanted to be there. How much she wanted to take up to the skies, stop Eren, ask him _why_ , be with her family — and knowing she never will. She reaches her hand towards the clouds to say goodbye, reminding them to do the last task she ordered them, that she died doing so. _I want to be with them. I wanted to be with them._ Instead, she smiles sadly at Erwin, Nanaba, Mike, Nifa and the rest of her squad and the survey corps, even Sasha, whom she failed, and takes Moblit’s hand, content that she’ll spend her eternal rest with them.

The world transforms. She is burning and drowning. Her screams turn into bubbles. There is fire within her that consumes everything in its path, taking her along with it. 

“Hanji, go back to sleep, it’s too early, you need to rest,” Levi’s voice comes muffled and it brings her one moment of peace. “Later, Hanji.”

She dies in pain even before the colossal titans reach her. 

There should be nothing. Death offers no second chances.

Instead, Hanji wakes up screaming. 

* * *

Zeke, Eren, and the mysterious Ymir, the only residents of Paths; also wake up to the shouts that echo throughout the desert. Not that they were doing anything productive, standing around and watching the outside battle with mild interest and in Zeke’s case building sandcastles. 

With nothing else to do, Zeke gets up and searches for the source.

He sees her then, a mile away from his mound of sand, It takes him a while to identify the person ways off, but then he spots glimpses of black leather on their head — and all of a sudden it’s no longer a small curiosity but a burning one. 

“Hanji Zoe,” He says, the Beast Titan always had a flair for the dramatics. What else is his entertainment supposed to be, as someone as great as him? “Titan doctor and Commander of the Survey Corps.”

The shouts have stopped when he arrived, but she seems to be hyperventilating, clutching the sand beneath them, ignoring his compliments (albeit it was only an acknowledgement of her titles) and for some reason...not really recognizing him at all. What is going on out there? How long has he been here? He knows the rumbling has in fact, taken place, with the less than passionate fights he had with (or the apparition of?) Eren, but what does the Commander play in all this? The last time he saw her, she gave him a killer look, disgusted with his continued existence, then drove in a river than be in the same space as him. What happened then? 

And how would he know anything if the woman before him is having a panic attack?

He glances back at her. Zoe has now sat up, cheek shiny and arms wrapped around her, perhaps trying to tell herself this is not real like he once did. It is a no brainer that she has experienced something horrific, but what? The forest was unaffected by the rumbling, or whatever shithole she and that blasted Levi hid in, unless...she had witnessed firsthand what the rumbling had done to humanity. What Zeke, who was willing to euthanize an entire race, his own race, did to the people he wanted to save. Was his life a waste? Instead of this curse, did he unwillingly bring the end of the world? He _needs_ to know, needs to know the extent of what he and Eren has done. Zeke can just imagine Grisha’s sad eyes, and he can’t bear it — that ‘I was right all along, you are a disappointment and a monster’. And If he needs to bring back Zoe, his mortal enemy and his rival’s one sided lover, to reality then he will do it. 

Besides, she has no business being so pathetic. She has not spent years here, she has not been blasted to bits by a thunder spear (which she created, by the way), she did not aid in bringing genocide (okay, maybe she did, they all did, to not see that capacity in Eren), and to add insult to the injury, since she was not caught by the Yeagerists and not murdered like Zackley, she is now the last de facto ruler of that cursed island. Maybe it is HE that should be the one crying right now. 

Even if he, unlike her, did not watch hundreds, if not thousands of colossal titans trample humanity like they were ants on a sidewalk and being able to do nothing about it, for they are Paradis’ enemy. No matter how much it pains her, she would not stop the protection of her island.

(Later, he would know she would — she did, and his respect for her has gone thousandfold, and it was unlucky she was no longer there for him to tell her. But even then, his hubris stops him from fathoming selflessness, as he believes the best people are like him.)

Zeke bends down and touches her shoulder. He has had enough experience with Falco’s bouts of anxiety. “Hey.” He is met with a flinch. “This is real.” 

For once, she stops shaking and stares at him for the first time. Her eye is enchanting really, it is such a shame she lost one. While brown is a common enough color, her eye is big and golden, and she wears it beautifully. Her wonder and spirit may have been worn throughout the years, but it’s still there. He dwells on when he lost his. 

“I’m Zeke.You can’t be hurt here, nor experience pain. You’re in Paths.” 

She finally replies, “ _You_ ,” with as much poison as possible. It’s better than nothing.

He removes his hand from her shoulder and offers it to her instead. Zeke reminds himself it’s only for the pursuit of knowledge and nothing more. Definitely not the nagging feeling of helping an admired equal that could meet his mind and a chance for a petty comeback at Levi for being intimate with someone he loves and does not love him back. 

The next thing he knows he is on his back in sand and she is on top of him. _Did she just flip him?_

It would have been funny to be in such a compromising situation with Levi’s beloved if it wasn’t humiliating with her arm digging in his neck and her in the dominant position. How could she — does she not know what honor she was blessed with? How men would want to be in her place, the Beast Titan calming them down, treating her like an equal, prostrating himself with the low, such as Yelena and Onyankopon? How could she even think of denying him?

His thoughts stop when her arm almost halts his airway. 

“Do you know what you’ve done?! Do you know how many people are dead, dying right now, innocent women and children being SLAUGHTERED even less than animals for the fact they exist outside the island?! The massive scale of genocide and carnage you have caused?! You — you pompous little bitch, did you even THINK of the consequences of your actions?! How were you supposed to convince Ymir and Eren with your stupid euthanization plan and what would happen if they refused?! Now the world is paying for YOUR mistakes, your ‘miscalculations’! You dumb selfish asshole, stop this!”

...So he was right. But — “Why are you even trying to stop this? Your little island will be safe —”

She digs harder, and Zeke sputters to breathe. “How would _you_ know anything about sacrifice?” 

Wouldn’t one of the last of the suicidal Survey Corps know all about it? Oh yes, sometimes he regrets losing the things, the emotions that once made him human. But that is the price he paid to be the saviour of the Eldian people. Or their executioner, if Zoe’s telling the truth — which she most likely is, he stared too much at her remaining eye not to trust her. Perhaps in another life, he would not mind being with her — the only one that can understand his great mind. He can imagine stealing her from Levi, in a future where Zeke wins once and for all against the Ackerman. But they live in a world of ashes and bones and trampled corpses, and there is no winning, no future at all when colossal titans roam the Earth.

It’s time the Beast Titan stopped having dreams. Dreams that he succeeded. Yes, he won with the wine plot, with the Yeagerists, with the volunteers, with Eren, and only because Hanji Zoe lacked confidence, power and the people to trust, and nobody really won with Eren, as if the genocide had not proven that. He wondered what it would have been like to battle with her at her strongest. Who would come out on top? He does not like that thought. Of course, the Beast Titan would inevitably be victorious but he would let her win, in other ways. Her and the curve of her body, her deep voice, the sharpness of her mind and the allure of her eye. Her maturity and leadership. Unconventional beauty, his favorite kind. Zeke only had a year, and it would not have been bad, definitely not bad, to have spent the last days of his life with her and his fellow Warriors. And Eren, heck maybe Levi too and all of Eren’s friends. 

He can just taste it, all of them living in Paradise. 

Her anger turns into confusion. “Why are you smiling?” 

Zeke must have gone mad with the years in Paths if he just fantasized about Hanji Zoe and their life together, but instead he laughs — which only comes out as strangled gasps of air. Finally, he understands what it feels to be in Levi’s shoes, even just for a while. To run away with her. 

“Because — you and me, we’re the same. You, you feel the burden of knowledge too, don’t you?.” He gives her his winning smile. Pieck would have fainted.

She only says through gritted teeth. “Tell me why I shouldn’t kill you right now!”

He does not try anything. If her fight or flight instinct were to wane, Zeke needs to be as predictable as possible, as safe as the man that keeps murdering her countrymen be. 

“Because this is Paths. You can’t kill me here, and I can’t kill you. This sand makes up our body as subjects of Ymir, and time passes differently here. As long as our consciousness is in Paths, we are immortal. Believe me, I have tried to be free and I physically can’t as long as Eren and Ymir wills it. Whatever happened out there will not happen here. You’re safe.”

The panic attack and her hold on him releases completely, and finally he can inhale properly, and so can she. She exhales and all of a sudden Hanji Zoe becomes a charred and withering corpse with the Survey Corps’ cloak on her shoulders only a speck of green cloth smoldering in the wind. He blinks and she is back, revealing it to be a hallucination.

Hanji shakes her head, “Eren…” and Zeke knows how she feels, the responsibility of stopping the rumbling heavy on her shoulders like the green cloak that comes with being a resident of Paths. Zeke has tried, as part of humanity, as an Eldian, as the Beast Titan and as a brother and yet he has failed. Zeke is Grisha’s son and he had no luck, but Hanji may have a tougher time, Commander and surrogate parental figure.

He knows that much about Eren at least, of which he is sure of — of Hanji staying with him to avoid nightmares when he misses his mother and Hanji rattling his brain off when his trauma comes, of Hanji breaking at the announcement of that brunette girl’s death, of Hanji being the mother they needed even when she denies it vehemently, stating that she was only being a decent person, as if it’s expected of every Commander in war to check on their mental wellbeing everyday,

She will have a harder time for sure, for Eren is angry at her the most. 

Zeke tells her exactly that. “I tried everything, for years. I tried convincing, manipulating, tricking, using his friends, even begging — nothing moves him. He’s no longer that boy five years ago.”

_I changed him, I created this monster, Father, you were right,_ he avoids blurting out, but he knows Hanji knows, they share the same brilliant mind,

She shakes her head again, as if to say ‘I have to try’. Hanji gets off of him, and he already misses her weight, the warmth of another person these lonely years in Paths. He does not move, does not get up, too wracked with guilt and what he will never admit — shame.

_I should not have come four years ago._ And yet he did, all for the euthanization plan. For the Eldian people, for Ksaver, for himself, to believe he sold out his parents and childhood all those years ago for a higher purpose, and not for revenge. 

Hanji does not move either, only crouching beside him, her beautiful eye the moon of his sandy world. “I should have killed you. We should have killed you, all those years ago, at Shiganshina, at the Azumabito’s,at Liberio —at that forest with Levi. We should have never trusted you. I should have let Levi kill you, fed you to someone, didn’t matter. You should have died, and we should have killed you.” She states matter of factly, not laced with hatred or malice but with weariness and bare necessity, as if she thought about murdering him in his sleep. If she was not thinking about her people, her country’s safety, her duty as Commander and gave in to her bare instincts, they would not be here right now. There would be no rumbling, no Zeke, and no Eren, either. 

Zeke is surprised to find that he does not have the heart to disagree.

“Yes, you should have.” ‘ _And it’s not your fault, it is mine_.’ Zeke wanted to say, but his voice won’t come out. He has revealed enough vulnerability to Hanji Zoe for a lifetime. 

Why did he seek Eren back in Shiganshina, the second time? Why did he catch his brother’s head, or do anything at all for that matter? None of it mattered. If he knew it would all end up here, at the end of the world, beside Hanji, would he still have done it? Would he have doomed millions of people, his blood or not? Would he have doomed Hanji? He knows there must be a reason she’s in Paths — she’s near death, like him, Eren and the immortal Ymir. Paths only come at their weakest hours. He did everything right. The Beast Titan fulfilled their dream. There was no way to save their people, this intergenerational suffering except for genocide through dying out peacefully. If he was not a boy pressured by a mentor figure, missing his mother and father while they were alive would he still believe the euthanization plan was the only path? Knowing where it’ll all those efforts lead to? To a massacre? Would he? 

Would he?

_No_ . A big resounding _no_ , echoed at his mind. The truth was, he was manipulated by both his mentor and his parents. Both had an agenda, an ideology, both loved him until it killed them, but both also did not allow him to think for himself. He was smart. Zeke would have found another way, definitely, like Hanji did. Seeing Hanji made him think of himself, a better version, a free spirit not shackled by ghosts of the past. If he was allowed to think, to experiment, to tinker, to fail and to do trial and error until he sees a better path — perhaps they would not have been here, at this infinite sandy shore. He would not have sent Reiner, Annie and Bertholdt, he would not have massacred the Survey Corps, he would not have been in Shiganshina, at Liberio, he would not have been the Beast Titan either. Zeke would have been a normal happy boy living with his mother and father till adulthood, and Eren would not mean apocalypse, ragnarok, calamity, he would just have been a little brother whom he will love very much.

But it was too late. Too late for them, for him. The deed was done, the genocide was almost complete — it will only take a couple of minutes. Unlike Hanji, Zeke has given up — on life, on Eren, oh himself. He was not lying. He has literally tried everything with Eren, to no avail. If his death will cease the rumbling, if his death will somehow pay for all the blood in his hands, if all the torment, suffering, guilt, regret and shame will somehow fade in his death, if he can save one life, if his pathetic story can finally come to an end, Zeke will prostrate himself over to Levi and tell him to get on with it. But somehow he can’t, for he has also tried everything to kill himself, and time marches on. _Please, I want to die,_ he begs Ymir and Eren.

_You have a purpose_ , Ymir grimly replies. 

Zeke begs to Hanji, too. He says it in the language she speaks, his eyes, Instead, he confesses, “I am so sorry, for everything.” Zeke Yeager has never been more sincere.

“You are pathetic,” Hanji Zoe stands up and walks away, leaving him in the dust. 

* * *

Hanji cannot breathe. 

Her hair was gone, the air in her lungs had turned into ash, her skin scorched to a crisp, her internal organs soon to fail. She cannot scream, she is trapped in the coffin of the sea. She tried thinking of happy thoughts to avoid the panic within her, that she was about to die in the most painful way possible, not in the jaws of a titan but in the maw of the flames and suffocation. Has she paid her sins in full?

_Mike, Nanaba, Nifa, Moblit, Erwin, Sasha, are you waiting for me? Will you be there when I come?_

_Rest_. With one last memory of Levi, she dies with her tears joining the ocean and with a smile on her lips. 

Except it wasn’t the end.

She wakes up in the bottom of the ocean. She cannot scream, cannot shout for help, she is alone and there is no breath in her lungs, the fire has taken it all from her. So Hanji swims and swims, a fight against the whole weight of the sea, but she does it anyway. The alliance needs her. Onyankopon and the kids need her. _Levi_ needs her.

She is losing strength. Her arms numb, yet she keeps fighting.

After an eternity of battling and moving forward, just as she is about to drown and let the depths swallow her, specks of light appears, and when she reaches the surface —

— Hanji breathes for the first time. The sky is purple. There is pink sand and luminescent waves, so she crawls her way into the shore. She collapses in relief, sand sticking to her skin.

Then Hanji remembers she is dead.

Her continued existence leads to her feeling the full force of her burns, of her smoldering body, shattered mind and broken heart. She knows she saw them, she knows she reached for the sky and Moblit’s hand, where are they? _Where are they_? Did they leave her again? Hanji is wrecked with uncontrollable sobs. Did she disappoint them to the point of leaving her? Was that why Sasha did not, could not face her? Were they angry that she failed them? She could not hold it, she is now full on weeping. 

Why did they leave her all alone?

Hanji’s screams and cries mingle into one. Her panic hits full force. 

_Moblit, Moblit, where are you? Levi, Levi, please save me, help me. Please save me. Mom, Dad, anyone, help me. I don’t know where I am, I am in so much pain, please, please, take it away, take me away. Don’t go where I can’t follow_

Anyone would have faltered, anyone would have stayed that way for a long time.

But she is Hanji motherfucking Zoe, scientist, researcher, _Commander_. she would not stay. She will not falter. At her lowest, all alone in this unfamiliar world, abandoned by her loved ones, she will use her greatest asset, what kept her alive a thousand times: her mind.

_Someone, anyone, please help me. Save me. I can’t._

If no one will save her, she will save herself.

Think, Hanji, think.

She remembers what her mom used to tell her. Acquaint herself with reality. Use her five senses. She will not be of use to anyone, let alone herself, if she is failing even to breathe. After, recall how she got here to determine the best approach to her new environment. But first, what she can see.

She catches sight of a cloudless indigo sky, full of galaxies and stars,

_Nanaba, remember the rain? You always said everything is much more beautiful after the rain. But I was looking at you. Nanaba, please come._

Hanji remembers the colossal titans, then her gliding at the sky, reminiscing how good it felt to fly. 

Second, her sense of smell.

She smells nothing except ash and seawater clogging at her veins. She remembers how she could not breathe, could not scream.

_Mike, I remember you. The sea smelled fantastic, I wish you were there. You would have known what to do. It’s what we always dreamed of. Mike, please come._

She remembers taking down four colossal titans, then burning with the steam. Then she fell like how Icarus fell from the sun, and then dropped at the sea. That must be why she couldn’t breathe. 

Third, her sense of touch.

Her skin is scorching, in every part of her body, and her hand and feet are no different. This must be why she died, she died of her burns, and not of the rumbling. This gives her relief more than anything. But that does not mean her grip is functional, filled with scarred tissue. Still she tries, oh does she try, to hold on to something, anything. Then she feels it at her hands — _sand._ Sand was such a discovery, the same the sea was. 

_My squad, remember us? The team of research, logistics and discovery. We were the best. We got things done, I have never forgotten you. I carry you in my heart as if you were still there. Why did you die for me? You were such pure souls, you deserved better. You were my family, and I let you down. You never disobeyed my orders, but I understand if just this one time you will. But Keiji, Abel, Moblit, Nifa, please, still come._

Fourth, her sense of hearing.

She hears nothing, except the wind and a chiming of power in the distance. How does that make sense? The last time she heard this, she was in Paths. But how? How did she get here, wherever here was? Then she hears it — the throb of her heartbeat. How? How was she alive? She died, Erwin talked to her, and he was —

_Erwin, remember Shiganshina? Why did you choose to die? Why didn’t you allow Levi to give you the serum? We could have avoided this if you were there. Why did you trust me so much that you wanted to rest, as if you knew you left the Survey Corps, our family, in good hands? You didn’t, but I miss your trust, strength and assurance. Erwin, I know you won’t, but please come._

— dead. Killed by _him_. She hears Zeke, that monster. Then she must be in hell, where all the lost souls were, where all those guilt were, and still drowning there. No wonder they rejected her. They would not come.

She tries standing up, but she can only settle for a seat. She curls herself up and holds her knees. Maybe he – and all her mistakes – will go away, and Hanji will be washed up to the sea once again. But the waves never came. If this is all sand, then they must be in the bottom of the ocean, never to see the light again. 

_Calm down calm down calm down calm calm calm Nanaba Mike Nifa Keiji Abel Moblit Levi Levi Levi Mom mom Dad Dad save help me help me why why me me what did I do wrong sea sea sea forest —_

Breathe. Inhale, exhale. It no longer smells of blistering flesh. Focus on what you can feel.

Lastly, her sense of taste.

She tastes of ash, of lava, of salt, of blood, her own blood. Of defeat, of failures, of disappointment, sadness, regret, sorrow. Of Levi’s mouth in hers.

_Levi, remember me? Remember our times together, of our expeditions and experiments and loves and losts together? Of how you always carried my glasses and how I always brewed your tea? Of how you wrote my surname in your official forms? I know you loved me, when I said you’d be the last of the Survey Corps and you said ‘Hanji, you_ are _the Survey Corps, it will outlive us because that is what we and our comrades made, but there is no Levi without Hanji Zoe’? I love you too, even if I could never replace Erwin. You deserve to live, you with your tea shop and me with a garden. I should have held you longer back then, in the river, the forest, or at the edge of the world. I know you will not come, because you are alive, but Levi, please_ — _remember me._

Ah, it tastes of something else too. When was the last time she ate? It must be that stew in the forest, with the alliance. Of her and Jean having a chat while she was feeding Levi and being with her children in safety. She wishes she did more for them, like give them a normal life like other teenagers — but Hanji can only pass on their future and her death to Armin, hoping it’ll all mean something. 

Zeke touches her shoulder, and it all comes back. The Yeagerists, seeing Levi in the forest, diving in the river, shooting her own people, forming the alliance, Floch’s death, the flying ship breaking, sacrificing herself then hallucinating she saw them in the afterlife. Her dying and asking, _was this how you felt?_ She smiles bitterly, so they did not reject her, they never came at all. It was an illusion to make herself feel better, that she did a good job even if no one told or complimented her that she did.

Then the last step, _let yourself go._

Hanji rides out the last of her anxiety like waves on the shore and her on gear, flying through the wind, and lets herself feel all the emotions she’s been repressing. The pain of her death, the burns that would not heal, her regrets of not being able to live in that forest, her failure to rein in Eren as his commanding officer and as a parent, her defeat as Commander, her disappointment in herself, her lack of appreciation and recognition, her own troop’s betrayal and her unwound future. Her body and mind is still reeling in her death, which results in the ache, and if this is really Paths, as Zeke says, then she is safe. There is no need for her to feel the flames, it was done, so she lets it go, scar by scar. 

Hanji will not admit Zeke has helped, but he did. He must want something, like he always does. He is the cause of all this, she reminds herself, persuading Eren, manipulating Yelena and Floch, injuring Levi and killing all her last loyal soldiers, murdering Mike, Nanaba, Erwin, Moblit, then playing two sides at a war whose lives he did not care about all for a stupid euthanization plan. Zeke Yeager is responsible like Eren for all of it, trampled figuratively and literally all over her, so she tackles him. He insults her, as if she would stand by while the world burns. She is not like him. He knows nothing of sacrifice, sacrifice of her men, _her_ sacrifice. The motherfucker smiled. So when hurting him fails to elicit any satisfaction for her, she lets him go. 

Oh, Eren. They should have never let Zeke go near him. Hanji would have died for him, and yet, so did all her other Survey Corps members, and what has become of them? Dead, rotting, forgotten.. All for Zeke and Eren to kill the populations outside their home. 

They were fooled. Zeke is not useful as they thought he would be. In fact he’s a traitor for a cause so dumb Sasha can think of it in her sleep and still choose not do it. Worse, he has rallied her men, whom she trusted, for it. Hanji would have died for them, every single one, and she cried when she was forced to kill them. And yet. They trusted him over her. They chose him over her, a man almost as brilliant as her except he’s serving a dead man’s ideology. They really died for his plan over hers, and she realized they were more foolish than she thought. At least dying for a cause they barely know is a Survey Corps trait, that’s all they have, that and that stupid mantra and nothing else.

Not even that. They do not have the courage. And the heart.

She glances at him once again. They really should have just killed him, this pathetic pawn of a man. Yet that’s what she would have become if she lost her humanity for a goal. They were almost the same. Both talented at a young age, both seeking answers, both burdened with knowledge, both in leadership positions and both having bright minds. Both used it for different purposes, whereas Zeke is convinced he is a god born out of royal blood while Hanji has gotten where she is through hard work and determination, convinced she is born for a purpose. He is just that: a cautionary tale for the intelligent to not go too far. And she is so much more.

Hanji knows he wants to die, yet she does not care. He has fooled enough people to have died for him and his shams, she will not be one of them nor spend her remaining afterlife for it. Hanji has already died trying to stop them. 

He is not worth her time, not at all. Hanji needs to reach Eren, so she walks away, his words lingering in the air. 

“I am so sorry, for everything.”

* * *

Hanji wades through the endless desert. It is a merciful hike, there is no heat nor wind to fight. Only the burns all over her body that won’t fade, nor would it ever. It has become a part of her. 

Zeke does not follow.

There are no thoughts that invade her, for once, Hanji is at peace, as peaceful as being responsible for a halting genocide can be. She concentrates at home, of the Survey Corps barracks, of her and Levi’s room. Of the little trinkets that trickle her space that she got from friends and family, of the presents from the Reeves’ company, Pierre Newspapers and the townspeople. Of her faded yellow polo and official uniforms and oversized shirts. Of her unfinished pottery and the paperwork stacked at her desk. Of Moblit’s sketches of Squad Hanji and the Veterans, of her photographs in Marley, with the team, with Levi, and her official portrait. Is she okay with leaving it all behind? Is she okay that she can never return?

Will Levi even bother with her room, or will he just throw it all away? Will he still choose her, remember her, even at her death?

There is no more tranquility. Hanji grits her teeth. She knows she never meant anything to anyone, not even Levi when it is clear even at death, he thinks of Erwin. She shows a moment of vulnerability, and he thinks of revenge (forgetting the fact that he said, ‘I know you. You won’t be happy,’). But Hanji — her death, it has to mean something. She has to have died for something. Hanji must have died to be here in Paths. She walks faster, until they are no longer silhouettes. 

* * *

Hanji finally reaches Eren. 

He is standing in front of the light beaming across the galaxies. He is in his child form, him and Ymir. What is Ymir’s purpose? Is she controlling Eren or is he controlling her? Did they have a talk and agreed to end humanity as they know it? What have they done? Are they even aware?

They are watching at the light, their backs in front of her, watching something. Eren asks, “Are they still fighting?”

Ymir’s voice comes as a deep, apathetic baritone. It is a familiar sound, like Ymir is her long-lost friend. “You know they are. Your friends do not give up.” 

Ymir turns towards her, Hanji has chills running down her spine. “Hanji Zoe”

Eren twirls to face her, surprised, She is having trouble associating the Eren that assaulted her in prison and this innocent one. Did she ever know Eren? Who was he, really? “Hanji-san? What are you doing here?”

She stays silent. 

He becomes thoughtful. “No wait, I brought you here, didn’t I? Ymir?”

Ymir is still staring at her, her icy blue eyes steely. “I am not sure.”

“Well I guess it doesn’t matter!” Eren turns to her cheerfully. “I’m glad you’re here, Hanji-san! It’s definitely a break from Ymir and Zeke... no offense, Ym.” Ymir nods. “But Zeke though,” He shudders, and nervously says, “Anyways! You’re not here for that, are you?”

Hani still says nothing, she just studies him expectantly.

“Oh,” Eren, shifts his feet, “Hanji-san, I’m so sorry for what happened in the basement. I was angry, and I attacked you, and you did not deserve that at all. You were doing your best, you were the only one trying to make things work and it wasn’t like it was you who’s making the decisions. I know you were just making me talk, trying to understand me, complimenting my hair and all, then I grabbed you like an asshole. I don’t… you really mean a lot to me. You were the first person to accept me in the Survey Corps, you didn’t see me as a monster, you’ve always supported me, and you… you never gave up on me, even then. You know why I was mad, right? I’m afraid of losing everyone, losing you. I saw a vision of you crying and I just couldn’t take it. I’m glad you’re here,” He turns away. “I’m sorry again. You’re not just my Commander, you’re like my mom too, you know? You matter to me and I was a jerk. I really regret it.”

She looks at him, and Eren waits for her anger, her condemnation. Instead, she walks up to him and holds his hands, kneels, and gives him a hug. She is warm and comforting, she reminds him of his mother, and Eren cannot help but cry. He does not deserve it, not after what he has done and all the people he has hurt. Hanji holds his cheeks and whispers softly, wiping away his tears.

“I forgive you, Eren.”

He weeps even more, and they return to their embrace. They stay like that for a while. After Eren is emotionally spent, Hanji holds his hands. Instead of blaming him for her death, instead of asking _why_ , instead of ordering him to stop, she suggests instead. They have all the time in the world.

“Why don’t we build a sandcastle?”

* * *

“Sasha really did that?”

“Yeah! Oh man, Shadis got so mad at her! What I would pay to see it againI really miss her, you know.”

Eren’s sandcastle is not going well. He’s trying to make his home back in Shiganshina, yet all he has done is the shape of the rock that hit it. 

“I miss her too,” Hanji agrees. He glances to his side. Hanji is making the Survey Corps barracks. He groans. 

“How did you get so good?” Kid Eren stretches. 

Hanji shrugs. “My mom was a botanist, my father a potter. You learn the trade.” She continues making the little people that occupy her sandcastle.

Eren leans over. “Is that… Captain Levi?”

“Yep. It’s the height difference, huh?”

“What about me?”

Hanji points over to a sand person fighting another person. “You’re that one.”

He laughs. “Is that when I was fighting Jean? I didn’t even know you witnessed that!”

Hanji snorts with him. “I sure did. I was with the other squad leaders, we were waiting for the alcohol. What did you think Levi hit you for? He wanted you kids to go to sleep so we can stay up all night piss drunk.”

Eren goes back to his attempt. He stares at the roof. He can almost see the four of them, dining happily. “Those were good times. I wish we could go back.” 

Hanji finishes her sandcastle. It was the night before Shiganshina. She still pictures them perfectly. Marlene, Moblit and Dirk with her, Erwin with Levi, the kids and recruits all together. This is her last creation. She wonders if she did it justice. Will it wash away? She remembers their first meeting with the sea, discovering new creatures and plants and Levi gazing at her back. Mikasa’s smile. Armin’s laugh. Jean, Sasha, Connie playing with the water. Eren asking where true freedom is. They spent the night at the shore, Levi’s hand in hers beneath the moonlight.

She holds his hand. “You still can, Eren. You can go back.”

“What do you mean?”

This is her chance. “Armin, Mikasa, Jean, Connie and Levi are still alive. You can still be with them, Eren. They’re fighting outside. Visit the beach together, bring Historia. You just have to stop this. ”

Eren is no longer a kid. He morphs to his adult self. “Stop what?” There is anger in his eyes, like that night. Hanji tries to ignore the bile in her throat. They are in Paths, he is just a child, and she is already dead. 

“How do you know that?!” He stands up.

Hanji takes a deep breath. “I don’t know how I ended up here in Paths. But I formed an alliance. With Magath, Reiner, Annie, Falco, Gabi, Pieck and them. To stop you.”

She is never prepared. Eren once again grabs her cloak and pulls her up to his level. She is dangling on air, failing to catch her breath. 

“SO IT IS YOU! YOU’RE THE ONE TRYING TO STOP ME!” Eren yells at her face. “I knew you were here for a reason! Do you know what you’re doing?! You are endangering them! You’re risking their lives for some goal you made up! When will you learn that you are USELESS?! Don’t you know I’m doing this FOR YOU, FOR THEM? For Historia?! FOR OUR FUTURE, OUR PEOPLE? You ingrates! THIS IS THE ONLY WAY WE WILL BE FREE!” 

Hanji grips his hands with hers, trying to let herself go. “Oh yeah, genocide is the only way?! I taught you better than this! Think what YOU’RE doing, Eren! You are killing innocent men, women and children! They are HUMAN! They have feelings, just like us! What is the difference with this and the Colossal Titan destroying Wall Maria?! They don’t have anything to do with this, yet you murdered them, massacred them like animals! Is killing humanity the only path to freedom, Eren?! ISN’T THIS WHAT WE FOUGHT FOR? WHAT WE GAVE OUR LIVES FOR? Why must families suffer and die so our family can be safe? It’s wrong! It’s not right! Think about yourself! Your mother —“

“Don’t talk about my mother!” The Attack Titan grips her harder. “She would have supported anything I did, unlike you! She wouldn’t have made a task force to stop ME! They are our enemies, remember? A month ago, you would have agreed with me! You didn’t agree with the 50 year plan, so why didn’t you stop it?! MY BROTHER IS ABOUT TO DIE and you did SHIT! I gave my life for humanity, time and time again! No matter how painful! Why must we sacrifice ourselves for people we barely know? They DESERVED to die! All of them, every single one of them! They deserve to feel the agony I FELT every single fucking day! There is no future for us if our enemies EXIST!”

A lone tear falls on her cheek. She feels her burns. Did she deserve it? “Was this how you felt? Eren, oh Eren, what happened to you? What did you see? If this was how you were feeling, if I knew, I would have done something. If I really am that important to you, if you are doing this for us, why betray me? Why have us arrested? Why form the Yeagerists? Why attack Liberio and leave us? Couldn’t we have talked this out? I know I wasn’t the perfect Commander, but I did my best. For you, for the kids and for the Survey Corps. Why did you do that to me? Didn’t you trust me? If you had doubts, if you were in pain — ” 

The question that has been plaguing her, that hurt her the most — “Why didn’t you come to me? Why did it have to go this far? I would have done anything for you, Eren, you are like the child I never had.”

His green eyes radiates, “Hanji-san…” Eren appears to be that same teenager at that castle, that looked up to her like she had hung up all the stars in the sky. Then his face turns bitter, angrier, and he lets out a sadistic laugh. “You? Really? You, who couldn't save anyone, the dog of the military, why should I have come to you? I did, remember? That night in the castle. And what did you say to me? ‘You pervert, you idiot!’” He mocks her. 

There is fire in her veins. “You attacked me, like you are doing right now. Besides, I was the only one _who came to you_ . Not Mikasa, not Armin, _me_. I saw you as a child that needed help — ”

“But I wouldn’t have gotten that from you. Floch helped me. Zeke did. Ymir did. You are helpless as ever. You are nothing without Levi, without me. You are pathetic, to think that you can stop me and your little band of superheroes. If you hate it, then rumbling is all your fault, Hanji-san, for not thinking of a solution, for failing like those stupid Survey Corps —”

“I SAW YOU AS _MY_ CHILD!” Hanji shrieks, and finally, Eren’s grip relaxed, taken by surprise, and she takes that opportunity to tackle him to the ground, her hands on his shoulders, knees on his legs, the same technique she did to his brother. “If I failed you, it is on me and me alone! Don’t bring the Survey Corps into this! They died for you, how easy you forget?! If the rumbling is somehow my fault, then it is the same way the fault of the son is that of the parent. What wrong did we — did I ever do to you except love you? Why did you do all this to me Eren, TELL ME WHY!”

“Because there is NO OTHER WAY!” He shouts back. “I didn’t mean to involve you! I instructed Floch to arrest you to keep you safe! I failed! I can’t think of any other option! What was I supposed to do? The past and future is haunting me, and it’s on me to prevent it, ME! Not you, not Levi, ME! Because I am the Attack Titan, I bear the Founding Titan! I only have two years left to live! You could never understand the burden I bear!” Eren can’t help bare all his insecurities, “I saw the future, and I couldn’t prevent Sasha’s, what about you? What about Armin and Mikasa?! I can’t bear to lose them too!” 

“Eren, you already lost them,” Hanji finally understands Eren’s state of mind. It is broken, shattered, burdened by the past and future, that he can only think of two things: freedom and his loved one’s safety, no matter the cost. It is a constant struggle for power, for dominance, yet Hanji holds on. For the future. “I didn’t force them to join. They chose to help me stop you. They are free doing so, you understand, right? That you lost them the moment you decided to do this. You lost them by going against everything they fought for, that they were ready to die for.”

“You don’t understand! I’m doing this for them, FOR YOU! They HAVE to die, or we all die!”

This was a lesson Eren never understood. “Eren, doing what is best for them and what you think is best for them physically is different! They are risking their lives to stop you from doing something you will regret, to stop the horrors going on outside! Is this still the best for them?! For you to kill them one by one, to die stopping you?!”

“No! I could never do that, Ymir —I wouldn’t! Once the rumbling is done, we will be free! Don’t you get it? We will be free to explore the world outside the walls! No more Marley, no more Eldia, just us! You’ll — they’ll forgive me in time, and then we could travel and go anywhere we want – you and Armin can study, Levi could stay with you, Jean and Connie can grow all the meat they want, Ymir will solve the curse, Mikasa – we’ll all be happy, there is no need for war! Isn’t that what you want? What we, the Survey Corps, fought for? To be free?

...Why are you crying?”

Eren believes it so innocently, so genuinely, that Hanji tears up. This is what has become of Eren, taken by a fantasy. He truly believes that the rumbling will solve all their problems, that Mikasa and the others will take him back, forgive him, and they will go around the world, ignoring that underneath are the corpses of millions Eren has murdered. He explained it so soundly she almost believes it. The Scouts learn about their universe, free to do whatever their heart’s desires. There is no war, no enemy to worry about, Hanji and Levi can just live in the forest and grow a garden and open a tea shop. Ymir builds her another body through the blood of innocents. She imagines a dog, a cottage in the middle of greenery, weddings to attend to, an engagement, maybe even children with brown and black hair and golden eyes. Yet, she knows it can never be, not like this. She can’t get caught up in illusions in Paths, unlike Eren and Zeke.

She is still the Commander of the Survey Corps.

Hanji shakes her head, her tears free-falling on Eren’s face. Now they are both weeping of an unattainable future. “ It sounds good, Eren.” She whispers, “But I can never accept genocide. Not like this, not for anything. We will not sacrifice people, innocent or not, just for our own interests. It is unfair, it is painful, our dreams may never realize and we may be forgotten, but it is what we signed up for. To protect humanity no matter what. Please, stop the rumbling. I know you don’t want to do this. We will share the weight together. You don’t have to go through this alone. I won’t leave you. I’m not giving up on you.”

Eren widens his eyes, his pupils dilate. He stops struggling. It’s what he wanted to hear all along, from Hanji and Levi. They were not the most empathetic and touchy people, but they tried, especially with Eren. They try to be there and comfort them when they need it the most, but they make mistakes, they were not originally parents. In this particular one, the consequences were massive. But Hanji won’t fail again, this time, she will be with him. 

It seems Hanji got through Eren and finally, this nightmare will end. 

But like all things, it was too late. 

Hanji got caught so off guard that Eren stands up and easily begins choking her on her back. She cannot breathe, she is back in the ocean, flaming and suffocating.

“It’s too late for me,” Eren’s face contorted in agony, like he is the one being strangled, “In 10 minutes, the rumbling will be complete. Please wait till then, Hanji-san. I have no other choice.”

Hanji tries and fails to get out of the Attack Titan’s grasp, she only loosens it. “There — there are other means! D-Diplomacy, like I planned! Trade! Changes to our reputation! Building relations with other nations! Infiltration, even a coalition with or against Marley! You just never believed in me. Please Eren, stop this or they’ll die!”

“I always believed in you,” Eren struggles with Hanji. “You were always Survey Corps, this, Survey Corps that. You are not free, Hanji-san. You are imprisoned by the Survey Corps ideology and responsibility, once the rumbling is done, there is no need for the Survey Corps! It will be over, you can just be Hanji Zoe, and I can just be Eren Yeager. Don’t you want that? You will be free!”

She widens her eyes. “Eren, y-you’re hurting me!”

Eren wins. He clutches her neck harder, trying to make her lose consciousness. He is succeeding, there are black spots that clouds her vision. She doesn't know if she’ll be back in Paths if she faints now. _No_ , _not yet,_ she is not ready to die a second time. So she fights and fights. 

“Eren, stop!” She hears another voice.

Eren is obsessed with freedom, yet he doesn’t know what it truly means. Hanji died free, choosing to go against the colossal titans that threatened her family and against the monster wearing Eren’s mask now.

Fighting for life.

Hanji curls her back, trying to avoid the inevitable.

“Eren, you’re killing her!”

She is crying, from the sting of the choke and her more visceral, invisible, pain. 

“You...used to be...one of us,” She breathes raggedly. Her tears don’t falter. “Remember?...You looked up to us…so much.” What happened? Why did Eren throw the Survey Corps away like trash? Throw _her_ away like trash? Did they die just for this monster or for a traumatized boy? Are all of her fellow Scout’s deaths meaningless when they no longer held any use, just a stepping stone for Eren to end it all for ‘freedom’? 

_I failed, Erwin. I failed. I am the weak link that brought the Survey Corps’ destruction._

_Something blazes within her, a familiar flame._

Why didn’t she see this earlier? What happened to Eren’s star studded eyes that looked at her with so much adoration and love, now filled with bitterness and anger? What happened to her Eren? Why did she let time pass without her telling how much she loved him and held him more?

Hanji reminisces on one of Eren’s restless nights, and her lulling him to slumber with her mother’s lullaby. Holding him till he falls asleep. Reaching for the blanket and tucking him in. Kissing his forehead, and turning the lamps off.

_I love you I love you I love you I loved loved loved you_

Before her vision fully fades, a flash of yellow intercepts her attacker, and the weight on her neck is finally lifted. Her anxiety consumes her, courtesy of Eren, and she can no longer breathe and think properly, she is back in the sea, living through her own asphyxiation. 

“...bastard! Have you no shame?!”

Her torched skin is building up on her, inch by inch. 

“...she won’t quit! I told her why I’m doing this, and —“

Her body transforms in its misery. 

“...this is madness, Eren! She’s had enough, we’ve all had! How much more do you have to lose before you put an end to this?”

“I don’t need to lose! I won’t lose anyone else.”

Eren talks with the delusion of a child. She convulses.

“...-san? Hanji, Hanji! Hanji-san!”

There are hands at her side, at her head being elevated. She flinches. Despite her sandcastle in pieces beside her, Hanji tries to think of home. Moblit, Nifa,Keiji, Abel —

“... I can’t lose you too! Please wake up!”

— Nanaba, Mike, Erwin, Mom, Dad. Her recitation of the dead is complete, and yet she still finds no serenity. 

“...love...love you too! Please don’t go, I am so sorry! I’m sorry, I did it again, didn’t I? I don’t know what’s going on with me! I would never do it again, not to you, I swear! Hanji-san, please don’t go! What — what are these scars?”

_Breathe_. Use her five senses. She sees stars. Hanji cries harder. She will never see the sky again. 

“...What is happening? Zeke, what is happening with her?”

“...don’t know, Eren, _what have you done_?”

She will never smell the beach again. Her heartbeat is loud. She will never feel Levi’s hand in hers, nor drink his tea. She only hears Eren, only Eren, It has always been about him. When has it been about her? Why didn’t she matter?

Hanji is glowing, her throat fiery. Her skin aflame. _Help_ , she wants to cry. _Help_.

“...Where are these burns coming from? It’s spreading, what do I do, Ymir — _Ymir_!”

Is she dreaming? Why can’t she scream? She’s back underwater. _I don’t want to die, I’ve come this far, I don’t want to die, please don’t let me die._ The colossal titans march. The boat is still not flying. She needs to buy time, but oh, she is tired, so tired, she tried, didn’t she?

She is so tired. 

Hanji is relieved when It all fades to black.

* * *

“..anji-san, please wake up, I can’t lose you too, Hanji-san, please, I’m so sorry, please be okay, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I don’t know what came over me…It had to be done, I’m so sorry,..” 

“...You did this to her, you know that right?”

“SHUT UP! You gave her those ideas, didn’t you?!”

“Always blaming other people for your mistakes, Eren.”

“Why you —“

“She is burning,” Ymir interrupts. “Her wounds in the outside world have caught up to her in this one. The sand has alleviated her pain, but it is up to her now if she can hold it at bay.”

Hanji doesn’t want to open her eyes. She knows what that implies. Her body is blazing, every single one of her muscles and tissues on fire. It’s not exactly torture, but it’s not relief either. Whatever Ymir had done with her has left her paralyzed.

“What does that even mean?” She hears Eren at her side.

“It means something happened outside, dimwit,” Zeke is at her...north? “She is alive, but barely, which is when she called on Paths.”

“That can’t be true, Hanji-san is dying? No — that’s wrong! She — she’s survived so much! She even survived the Colossal Titan’s explosion twice! That can’t be! I can’t lose her — she can’t die!”

“Everyone dies, Eren.” 

The sand beneath her...rumbles? Wait. But she’s elevated. Is _Zeke’s_ lap where her head is at right now?

Hanji immediately moves to open her eyes, but it happens as a slow wink.

“Hanji-san?” Eren’s face comes to view. His face is red and snotty, his hair in a bun. He embraces her, careful not to stress her with his weight, and sobs in her hair, “Thank Maria you’re awake! I’m so sorry! I attacked you again, I’m sorry! Something’s really wrong with me, I shouldn’t have done that, I don’t know what came over me! My anger just — it just burst out and I couldn’t control myself! I don’t even know why I was so mad at you, I just wanted you to sleep it off and wake up when the rumbling is done so you wouldn’t have to worry — but something happened and you weren’t waking up! I don’t — I don’t know what I would have done if you didn't wake up and — and you just kept saying you love me — “

Eren’s tears keep falling, “And all I’ve done is attack you and undermine you and say so many mean things, and treat you like shit, I — I don’t mean it, please you've got to believe me, I don’t think you’re useless or helpless! Y-you’re one of the best people I know and you matter so much to me, I keep saying that but I don’t prove it, but it’s true! I’m so sorry for everything that I’ve done, for being an ungrateful little shit and betraying you and taking you for granted and starting the rumbling, Hanji-san I’m so sorry! I love you, I love you too, but I can’t stop the rumbling, I can’t,” 

Eren releases his embrace and gazes at her with earnest eyes and takes her hand, leaning closer, “You’ve got to understand, I saw the future! I’ll prove it to you in another way, but I just can’t stop this for you. It’s for our freedom, and I was so mad that you chose to stop me, but that’s you’re free to do that, right? It’s your freedom, and I shouldn’t have tried to take it from you. Never again. Please, forgive me, you mean so much to me I love you so much, I understand if you never want to see me again —” Eren begs her, almost asking for her condemnation, and yet all she replies is —

“Nice hair,” she croaks and ruffles his hair, and bumps their head together. It’s not forgiveness, yet it’s not rejection, either. This is the real Eren — _her_ Eren, the one bearing his Survey Corps jacket and green shirt. How she missed him. 

She cringes, remembering that Eren heard her confession. _I love you,_ she chanted, as if it would fix anything. “I said that out loud, didn’t I? That’s so embarrassing,”

She and Eren laugh. It feels like reconciliation. 

“Can’t be as embarrassing as lying on Zeke’s lap,”

Hanji becomes mortified. Eren guffaws at her expression. She slowly peers up, and Zeke waggles his eyebrows. Color drains from her face. “How long have we been like this?” 

“Long enough,” And Hanji tries to move, but Zeke steadies her. “It’s an honour to hold Commander Hanji Zoe’s unconscious head” He wrinkles his nose, “Though you probably need to condition your hair more. It’s really oily.” 

“I am offended,” Hanji pretends to be hurt. “I thought it was an honour?”

“I recommend this Hizuru conditioner I frequent, it has this wonderful rose smell. Perhaps you might even attract Levi, I heard he’s into hygiene.” 

“I don’t need it if I just want Levi,” Hanji scoffs, _I already have him_ , “Besides, _you_ into rose smelling conditioners? I don’t believe it.”

“If you just had any idea,” Eren shudders and wipes his tears.

“Brother, I can’t help but try to make you presentable and not a homeless person,” Zeke scratches his beard, “What do you think makes my beard smell good?.”

Hanji tries to move away, but finds that she can’t. “Ugh. I don’t want to know. Eren, I can’t move.”

“I’m sorry for my brother Zeke, he needs to get out more. This is the longest conversation he had without mentioning his royal blood and ‘responsibility to the Eldian people’” Eren makes air quotes, Zeke slaps his hands. The brunette starts to get up. “I’ll go get Ymir,” he squeezes Hanji’s hand and runs off.

Zeke and Hanji glance at each other. “I failed,” Hanji simply states.

“You can try again.” He suggests.

“No, you’re right.” She tries to shake her head, but can’t, and settles for a glimpse at her side. “He really believes it. And I don’t want to hurt him more by mentioning it. I really tried,” Hanji closes her eyes, “I thought I could do it. We just have to trust the guys outside, and hope they pull through.”

Zeke frowns. “You got real close if he was strangling you, though. He has a soft spot for you.”

“Shame it wasn’t enough.”

“Will it ever be? As a parent? I just wanted to tell you this isn’t your fault, it’s why I came here. I also wanted to apologize for everything. You did not deserve to be the one to deal with my mistakes.” The War Chief lowers his head and meets her eyes. “Has anyone ever told you your eyes are beautiful?”

She scoffs and stares at him head on. “Yes. But thank you, that and for saving me. I heard you the last time. There is no way to make up for what you’ve done except to stop the rumbling, no matter what. I theorize killing you would stop it.” _Be ready, when it comes._

_I will be._ “ I accepted my fate long ago. I heard from Eren that you formed an alliance with the Warriors. Saving you is my way of thanking you. Thank you for being there when I couldn’t,” _Thank you for saving humanity._

Hanji lets her mouth twitch sidewards. This is better than their last interaction. “I’m just doing my duty.” She replies, from an enemy leader to another at the crossroads, unified with a common goal. “Did you stop with that stupid euthanization plan?”

“I’m not so sure. Ah, but it’s too late, isn’t it? But you’re right, there must have been a better solution. I just haven’t found it yet. But I’m sure you did. You deserve more credit than what people give you.”

“You’ll find it, too.” She can finally move her hands, no longer flickering with heat, and taps the side of his leg. “And you’re a good pillow. I’d feel better if only you didn’t slaughter my soldiers, betrayed me and killed all my friends.”

“Sorry about that,” Zeke avoids her gaze, “Levi was properly pissed. Once he heard about the Yeagerists, he wanted to leave my ass and hurry over to your side.”

“You mention him so much, I’m starting to think you’re in love with him.”

“I’m more enamoured with you.” His eyes twinkle.

She slaps him. “Ew. Shut up. I’m taken.”

“By Levi, I hope?”

“By Titans, of course. And the sky.”

Zeke laughs. It is a deep, reverberating sound. _You are pathetic_ , she once said, and he is no longer that. He is full of acceptance, of death, of Eren, of her, and of reality, and it makes all the difference. 

“Well, I am a Titan of royal blood. Does it count?”.

“I’ve had enough of Titan shifters for a lifetime, so no, sorry. Maybe one day.” 

“I’ll look forward to it,” He expresses and kisses her hand. “Thank you once again for everything. It was nice meeting you, Hanji Zoe.”

“And you, Zeke Yeager.”

“Ugh, you boomers.” Eren arrives with his face in disgust. “Are you guys flirting? She’s with Levi. Get out of here,” He shoves Zeke and gently raises Hanji’s head and replaces Zeke’s lap with his. “Ymir said to wait it out and it is all on your ‘mental fortitude’ to keep your wounds away, whatever that means. What happened to you out there, anyways?”

Zeke dusts himself. “I’ll leave you both, excuse me,” He waves to Hanji, and disappears in the horizon. Who would have thought they would meet again and share in a burden only the two of them understood? She wipes her hand on her pants.

“I burned in a fire,” Hanji answers, not really a lie. “I tried to buy time and stop the flames from consuming a city, so I burned.”

“I’m sorry you had to go through that. Did the others get you out?” Eren asks. He starts combing her hair with his fingers, It is relaxing, if not an aching remembrance.

. 

“Yes,” she whispers, a tear going unbidden through her remaining eye. It is a good thing Eren doesn’t notice. 

She asks about his life. Eren talks happily, of Grisha and Carla and Mikasa. Of his happy childhood with Armin and Hannes, and the Training Corps with his fellow trainees. She knows of Eren witnessing his mother get eaten by the Titanized Dina from his nightmares, so there was no need to reiterate that.

“Connie…” Eren trails off. “Connie got almost bitten by a past Titan shifter outside. Can’t you order them to stop?” He pleads, “You’re their leader and you created the alliance, I’m sure they’ll listen to you.”

“Well, can you stop the rumbling?” Hanji tries.

“No?”

“Then I can’t either. It’s their free will, remember? They chose this..”

They never mention it again.

Eren narrates his life with Zeke on Marley, how they witnessed Eldians being mistreated and going on museums and travelling the country. 

“I felt really free during those ten months — no offense Hanji-san, you were a good commander — so I thought, why can’t we have this? Why can’t we be free to go wherever we choose?”

He also went to the past and influenced his father. Then here they are. 

They landed on comfortable silence, Eren still brushing her hair. Blood goes back to her limbs, inch by inch. While on Paths, the discomfort of her burns will always be there, a constant reminder of the life she has lost. But it is up to her whether it is visible, and whenever she loses focus, there it is.

But it won’t matter in a bit, for she is going somewhere with no sickness nor suffering.

“Eren, can I tell you a story?”

He hums in agreement, braiding her hair.

Hanji tells him of her childhood. Her mother and father and their house by Wall Rose in the agricultural sector, her scientific experiments, her shovelling the walls and running from the Military Police and her pet frog from a nearby river. Even then, her mind is filled with science and discovery, and she studies in Wall Sina and graduates with a degree in Medicine and Herbology.

“Wow, you actually went to school, Hanji-san?” Eren continues braiding her hair. He has gone through many styles.

She smiles. “Yep. I have a degree, can you believe that? My parents cried when I joined the Survey Corps.”

She tells him of eighteen year old Hanji joining the Survey Corps, eager to see the world and bring science with her. Her first expedition outside, and how she and Nanaba are the sole survivors of her year. Her having a crush on then Commander Shadis. Eren laughs his head off. Her meeting Mike and Erwin, two of them a year above her. They then become Squad Leaders, Nanaba under Mike’s squad. Hanji fights with anger, with fiery brown hair and vows of revenge. She becomes infamous in the barracks as one that should not be crossed. There is fire in her eyes when she saves Moblit, a new recruit, from a Titan. Hanji survives every time they go outside, ups her kill count, and in her own right she is promoted to Captain. Moblit is the first to join her squad and took care of her ever since.

She then meets Levi and his friends Isabel and Farlan, how nobody approached them and how she did, gave Isabel sweets and offered lunch if they survive. They didn’t, but Levi and Hanji go have that lunch anyways. Hanji skips the part where Levi brings her glasses, waits for her to finish in the lab, the comfortable silence in the black tea they share, their secret practices in the forest, their Veteran’s birthday celebrations out town, their telepathy and the hugs they give to each other after a particularly nasty expedition. That is her and Levi’s to share alone.

Hanji is promoted to Squad Leader and Abel, Keiji, and Nifa get assigned to her. She tells him of them being dubbed the smartest squad, Nifa’s love of fashion, Keiji inheriting her anger and Abel sharing in her love of research. How she changed the Survey Corps fighting style through her innovation and discovery of Titan weaknesses.

Levi and Hanji become something more than friends but they never admit it, and they, Moblit, Mike, Nanaba and Erwin have a drinking session every after the expedition. Erwin is promoted to Commander and everything changes between them. Hanji recounts the expedition when she kicked a Titan’s head, the start of her curiosity for research and Titans.

Eren finishes braiding her hair. He has put two braids at the side of her fringe where they meet at the middle of her usual little ponytail.

“And I told Erwin, what do we know about Titans? Where did they come from? What are their other weaknesses? Nobody knows, and _shouldn’t_ we know? He keeps rejecting me, but then he agrees to let me capture a Titan after we find Ilse Langnar’s notebook.”

Hanji tells him about Ilse Langnar, a new recruit who planned to join her squad before she died. Hanji tells him of the random shenanigans her squad and the veterans have gotten into, like their prank on Erwin by removing his pomade, their fastest 3DMG competition (which Levi won), and the surprise birthday party they had for Hanji.

“They found a nearby open space in the forests where the Wall Rose barracks was, and after making sure there were no Titans around, Levi led me there with a blindfold. I cried, it was so embarrassing, it was the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me since my parents died. Nanaba baked a cake, Mike’s squad was in charge of the food and alcohol, Petra and the rest of Levi Squad in decorations and Moblit made the program. Erwin led me to the ‘dance floor’” She made air quotes, “And slow danced me. That’s when I knew he cared. Then we raved until 5 AM and had to cancel the military meeting the next day because everyone had hangovers. My squad was in charge of clean-up because they were the only sober ones. Oh, Nile’s face when he saw us passed out,” Hanji pretends to shed a tear. “I missed that. I miss them.”

“You know,” Eren suggests thoughtfully, “There’s a field of flowers here somewhere. Do you wanna go there?”

Hanji perks up, “Sure! As long as you help me walk.”

Eren gently grabs her shoulder and bridal carries her towards the beam of light, ignoring her protests, and behind it she sees a grass field of purple blossoms. Hanji almost tears up again, she loves the combination of light, purple and spirit flowers.

“Where did you find this?” She exclaims as Eren tenderly lets her down. He sits beside her, sharing her happiness. 

“Me and Ymir hang out a lot, and she’s been stuck here ever since so she knows the place.” Eren turns to her with an excited expression, once again in his child form, “But enough of that! Tell me more about the Survey Corps!”

“Alright,” Hanji gleams at the sight of the stars back in Eren’s eyes, “So anyways…”

Then the 104th cadets came and forever changed their lives. There is not much to say as Eren has also experienced it with her, so she instead narrates it from her perspective. How giddy she was meeting him and conducting experiments with him, how worried she was during the trial and suggested to Levi to be the one to kick him so they can have custody —”

“Wait, you’re the one that asked Levi to kick me?” 

Hanji purses her lips, “Yep! It was my strategy, sorry about that, Eren.”

— and how miserable she was about Levi Squad’s deaths. How inconsolable she was learning about Mike and Nanaba’s deaths by Zeke’s hands and how they died for the Colossal and Armored Titan. How reminiscent her burns were with her recent ones. How she was the one that pinpointed Reiner and Bertholdt’s location.

Then the Reiss and the Military Police came for Eren and Historia, and she was the first one to greet her by her given name. How saddened Hanji was when she learned of Nifa, Abel and Keiji’s death by Kenny Ackerman and how the newspapers slandered them. How her anger came back at her at Pierre and Beurg newspapers, Moblit threatening to break their hands and how she struck a deal with Flegel Reeves. How she won people’s hearts and staged a coup d'etat with Erwin gone, the death of her squad and the name of successor still heavy on her shoulders. How she and Levi mourned with a sad smile.

How she poured all her rage at the Reiss castle and at the torture of Djel Sannes, and how badly hurt she was after she hit the rock pillar, Jean calling at her.

Eren lightly taps her shoulder, and Hanji faces him. “Thank you. I never realized how so many Scouts died just to get me, and you almost did — and thank you. For their sacrifice. Your sacrifice, so many of your friends were lost because of me. Even when you were injured, hit by that grappling hook, you were still thinking,” He scratches his head, “You’re always thinking, and you never stopped, huh? Until now. So thank you. For bearing that burden so we won’t have too.”

Oh, to be appreciated and recognized. She holds his hand. “Thank you, Eren. That means a lot.”

Hanji continues to tell her story. How delighted she was to learn the technology and knowledge of Titans that was kept from her and how slow her recovery of her shoulder was. How she built the first and ever thunder spears, and the night before their return to Shiganshina, how she and Moblit rocked the karaoke. How victorious she felt stopping Reiner, how Moblit’s death shattered her heart and her left eye. How he was the last thing she saw.

‘Hanji-san!’, His last words reverberating in her dreams.

How she picked herself up in that well, still alive through Moblit, her ever loyal assistant and best friend's sacrifice, crying through the blood and not letting his death go to waste. How she aimed at Reiner with one eye and without her glasses, being the last shot they needed. How she sent Mikasa for the serum and regretted not killing Reiner when she had the chance. How Jean saved her from The Cart and Beast Titan. How she hugged Mikasa and how devastated she was witnessing Erwin die. How she lighted up in Grisha’s basement until it dawned on her she was the new Commander of the Survey Corps.

How she and Levi are the last veterans alive.

She continues to build things in her recovery. Her eye is unsalvageable, but they do not have the technology to remove it, so she builds an eyepatch to protect it from dust. She improves the Executioner of Hell, an newer, more explosive version of the thunder spears, the new Omnidirectional Maneuver Gear and the new uniform of the Survey Corps. She kills all Titans on the island, one by one, and finally, the Survey Corps reaches the sea. Still, when she blunders and hits a wall she could not see, or hit a tree in her practices in the forest, she is reminded of her lost eye and loved ones. She feels of failure and how she did not deserve to live, but Hanji has outlived them all. 

She feels tears prick the corner of her eyes, Eren hugs her, and Hanji continues.

Levi becomes her left eye. He is there for her always, in meetings and in practices and in her labs to the point of annoying. He aids her in her gear and in physical obstacles. He becomes her spokesperson in difficult situations. She has helped him before, and this time, he helps her. He is there at her room and at her office. They become closer than ever, and while nobody can replace him, he tries to be her Moblit, too. Shouting at her recklessness and watching her every step. When the weight of the world becomes heavy, he shares in it. They go hand in hand to meet the Marleyans, to Zeke and the volunteers, to the Azumabitos and to Marley. To Odiha, too.

The only time Levi Ackerman has left her is when he disappears for a month in the forests with Zeke under her orders. It is then that she realizes she is truly alone. 

“I’m sorry again,” Eren glances at his hand with guilt, “I shouldn’t have gone behind your back. I should have just told you everything, about Zeke and Yelena’s plan and about the rumbling. I shouldn’t have encouraged the Yeagerists, while I would never change my plan about the rumbling, I should have gone about it in a better way. I’m really sorry, Hanji-san. You didn’t deserve that from me. ”

Hanji smiles. It’s almost time. “You know, your brother said the same thing. But like I said, Eren: I forgive you for everything. Even your little outburst earlier. Yes, you could have done it a better way, and this doesn’t excuse your actions, but I understand..”

Eren lightly punches her shoulder. “You’re too nice, Hanji-san. You can’t be too forgiving like that. You’re too understanding, no wonder I became a spoiled brat.” He gathers flowers and some dried stems.

“I always leave the disciplining to Levi, but still, our track record is still pretty good. Only one of you six became a genocidal maniac.” 

“Ouch.” Eren determinedly weaves dried stems together. “You know, if I die right now, I’d be proud to be your son.”

Hanji tears up. “Shut up, don’t you want to know what happened when you were gone?”

“Sorry, sorry! Geez. What I said is true!”

Hanji continues to build with cement and metal. The engineers from Marley become endeared to her endless inquisitiveness and eagerness to learn. They explain it all to her, she picks up quickly and suddenly four years have passed and they have made ports, ships, trains, and other inventions with their bare hands. They throw a celebration in her honor when their weapons are given final adjustments, giving her the title Humanity’s Smartest. It mortifies her, with two titles under her belt, and yet Levi holds her hand, and she is reminded she is still Hanji Zoe, the one who loves frogs and hates injustice.

“I’m really proud of you,” Eren interrupts earnestly, “No one could have achieved what you could in four years' time. When I returned I couldn't believe it, it’s like everything changed and we moved 100 years in the future. You gave us a fighting chance against Marley.”

Hanji blushes. “I honestly don’t know what to do with your compliments.”

He touches her shoulder. “Don’t do anything with it. I should have told you before, again and again. I should have praised and complimented you, instead of calling you useless and pathetic. You did your absolute best and it shows. You’re amazing, Hanji-san.”

No one has said that to her when she was living and it's all she wanted. To be validated. To be loved. “Eren....I’m not even done yet.”

He laughs like that day. Eren goes back to his work. “Sorry sorry, go on. I hate this part, I know what happens next, because _I_ caused it, and I hope you know I regret it so much.”

“I know.” She feels Eren’s remorse, even now.

It was supposed to go well, but Sasha’s death hit her like a thunder spear in the chest. She almost broke down if they were not in the middle of war and if Levi wasn’t there, offering his comfort. She loved Sasha, a girl after her own heart and brown hair. They were always mistaken as mother and daughter and Sasha doesn’t even deny it. She was the most affectionate of the six, always kissing and hugging her. Hanji misses her so much. She truly brightened the worst of days. And she and seven of them died on her command. 

_I love you, Sasha. See you soon._

“It’s not your fault.”

“I can’t help but think it is. You were under my command, Eren.” She snaps. “The Yeagerists were, too.”

“I made my own decisions. They did too. You can’t blame yourself for this.” He says darkly. 

“Why did you even attack Liberio? What was Sasha’s death for?” Hanji demands.

He looks down. “Revenge. I wanted to prove something, that I exist, and they should be afraid. Plus to eat the Warhammer Titan.”

“Was it worth it?”

“...Yes.” He mumbles, staring at his hands. “Sasha would have said so too.”

Hanji sighs frustratedly. She can’t change him. Breathe. _Let it go._ He has other things to answer for.

“Did you know? How the Yeagerists made me lead them to Levi’s place in the forest, only to find all my last loyal soldiers dead and Levi half-dead to the ground because Zeke exploded himself with a thunder spear?”

Eren stops what he’s doing and turns to her. “What?”

“Yes,” she almost shouts. “Your brother made them drink the wine and transformed them to Titans. Levi killed them all. He tied him to a thunder spear. I found him broken, Eren, I thought he was gonna die too, leave me alone, and when he wasn’t, Floch wanted to kill him twice. Did you know of that, Eren? Did you order that too?”

“No!” He shrieks. “I knew Zeke was going to release himself through the wine like he did with the government, but I didn’t order Floch to kill Levi or you! Just to get Zeke and eliminate all threats!”

She pushes on. “I’m a threat, Levi’s a threat. Would you have killed me? Made me drink the wine like you did to Pixis and the others? Would you have seen me as a necessary sacrifice like Sasha?”

Eren grabs her shoulders with panic, “No! Never! I would never have done that to you! Or Levi! Sasha’s different, I saw her future and I never want that to happen again, that’s why I’m doing this! I didn’t mean it Hanji-san, I just wanted to assert control —“

“You killed all functioning government leaders of Paradis in the middle of war, Eren, what would you have done if the rumbling didn’t work? You would have doomed us all, even Mikasa and the others.”

“I admit I was wrong there, but Floch’s, Zeke’s or Yelena’s actions weren’t my orders,” Eren begs her once again, “Please Hanji-san, believe me. I wouldn’t have killed you or Levi.“

_You already did._

“I formed an alliance, Eren. Against you. You almost did a while ago. What made you change your mind? What makes me so safe with you?”

Eren widens his eyes at the implication. _What stops you from killing or attacking me again?_

“Hanji-san, that was a mistake. I know apologies mean nothing without actions, but I promise you. Never again. I realized there’s nothing I can do if you choose to go against me, because that’s your freedom. I’m not taking that from you again. I should value what’s important to me while they’re here, which is you.” He takes her hand. “Please believe me. I would never do that to you or to Captain again.”

Hanji waves her hand off his grasp and uses it to clutch her chest to stop the ensuing panic. “Okay,” She breathes, “okay.”

Eren’s hands go back to his creation, his eyes never leaving hers. “But you’re here now, so how did you escape?”

Hanji, realizing Eren’s attempt at distraction, answers, “When Zeke appeared out of his Titan body, I ran and jumped in a river.”

“You what.”

Hanji easily agreed to Floch not only because of the gun aimed at her head, but the fact that his plan may backfire on him. He didn’t know there were thirty soldiers there and when the time came she would ambush them. What she arrived at was Levi near the river, almost a corpse. She wasn’t lying, he was almost dead and she would not let that happen. Her scared expression became one of determination, and the river was there, and it absolves them of everything, like baptism. They drowned again and again, their hair and cloaks fighting the current, and when they finally, finally reached the shore, Levi wasn’t breathing. She had to put breath back in his lungs, and when he woke up, she screamed at him.

“Four-eyes,” the only thing he said after her tirade of ‘humanity’s strongest my ass, you’re not dying on me, you asshole’, “Shitty-glasses. Glad you’re here.”

She bawls at him in the rain, and it washes them, washes it all away.

Hanji and Levi stay in the forest for a couple of days. She carries him until she faints. They lose count of the number of days and nights. She washes him, sutures him, kills all the remaining Yeagerists for their med kits and horses (it hurts her, a tear falls down. They were her people, she knew them personally), and builds a hammer and a cart from the woods in order to carry Levi, as he is not well enough to ride a horse. She is an inventor first, Commander second. They stay there and recuperate, just for a while. Hanji stays by Levi’s makeshift bed, and the rare moments Levi’s awake, he tucks her in and touches her face. He feels his scar running around his face, with his two fingers and broken body, he jokes, “Well, at least we have matching eyes, Three-glasses,”

Hanji laughs and cries. It’s such a stupid pun. Eren agrees.

Hanji recounts all of it to Levi, Eren, the Yeagerists, Gabi, their arrest, the wine, and the war of Paradis. Humanity’s strongest at his weakest point only holds her as she sobs, murmuring, _I’m a failure, I caused this, Erwin was wrong, he chose wrong._

“Hanji, I’m not good at this shit,” Levi is careful with his suture before it even hurts, “But you did your best. And between the two of us, Erwin chose the right person. Now do your magic and use that big brain of yours. How do we get out of this so I can beat Eren’s ass?”

Hanji chortles. Of course he’s mad at Eren. 

Said person nervously laughs, “Oh God. Is he a part of the alliance?”

“Yes.”

“Fuck.” Eren stares in the distance. “You really love him. To dive in a river for him.”

“I would have done the same for you.” She argues.

“No, it’s different. You’ve been together for ten years, right? That’s a long time. When he’s with you he’s less cranky. Lighter. Like your presence soothes him.” He gazes at her. “I think you’re meant for each other.”

Hanji cackles. “It’s because no one else is there. Erwin died. Petra died. His friends died. I’m the only one left. If they were alive, would he still love me?”

Eren gapes at her if she has grown two heads. “Of course! Even when Erwin’s alive, he sticks to you like glue. When you were injured during the Reiss castle, he wanted to stay in the cart beside you. He even rode his horse closer to you. That’s true love!” He throws his hands. “It’s a matter of: Do you love him back?”

“Yes,” Hanji picks a flower, “but I’m not sure if he feels the same way —“ _only at the very end. Dedicate your heart_. “ — until our last conversation. I’m not sure if he loves me the way I love him.”

Eren facepalms, “Yes, Hanji-san, yes he does! You don’t see the way he looks at you! He smiles at you when you’re not looking, and when you appeared on the roof he said your name so passionately I thought, ‘Armin is dying, get a room!’ He cares so much about you, how could you not see that? I promise you —“ 

He does the Survey Corps salute facing her, “That he loves you very much. He looks at you as if you’re his world and you’re the only one he talks about. We’re sick of it. Please get together already. Stop being so responsible and go live near the damn ocean or forest or something.”

Hanji remembers a similar vision. She claps his back approvingly. “Stop being my wingman, Eren.”

What Hanji doesn’t tell is the day of the explosion with Levi freshly torn, she is weary. She just finished sewing and bandaging him when Eren calls them from Paths. He announces the rumbling and end of the world to all Eldians. With her hammer in hand, she attempted to throw it at him miles away. _Why,_ she wanted to scream _, why? How could you do this? Haven’t you done enough? Is my solution not enough?_

Hanji wanted to run away from it all. She is tired, a bone deep tiredness that won’t go away. She hasn’t been sleeping nor eating properly since the night of Liberio, she has been going from place to place interrogating and answering for Eren’s actions. Most of all, there was nobody there for her. No Moblit, or Erwin, or Levi. Just children that need her guidance. Who can she rely on except her? So she fights and fights and fights until there is nothing left to give, nothing left for her, until she has run dry. What is the fruit of her efforts all these years? A coup d'etat and the genocide of innocents. Being attacked and being called useless. She has tried, oh has she tried, and gave her all and gave her best, gave her sanity and health and the best years of her life — except it's never enough. _She_ is never enough. They still wish for Erwin, still wish for some man to fix everything as if she has not been working her ass to make things work these past four years. So she stands there, silently and weary as everyone undermines her and her efforts. As if it didn’t matter. As if she never existed at all.

It is a feeling she has come to know well. So she forgets it all and never comes back. 

But there are good things, too. She chooses to remember it instead.

Hanji dreams of what she and Levi have been thinking all these years, the words left unsaid except that time in the forest.

Hanji closes her eyes. 

The smell of tea surrounds her, of woods and greenery. The light rain of the forest trickles her skin. A garden filled with specimens and a wooden cottage they have built together with their own two hands. They spend their days with so much peace and silence they keep adding things to their little home. There is a fireplace filled with their favourite items, a closet with two unused green cloaks and a kitchen where Levi cooks with the products of her garden. Levi wakes up to Hanji everyday, their days filled with the lightheartedness of domesticity, life permits it.. Laughter comes easier for both of them when they are both knee deep in dirt. There are no enemies nor Titans to worry about. There are coffee stains on the table, and so much love between them they have to crack the window. They go to bed every night and she closes the lamps in tandem with their breathing. Hanji sings her mother’s lullaby and dreams of flying. Levi hugs her close. 

The sun rises, and another day begins.

Is this during or after the rumbling? It doesn’t matter, as long as Levi and Hanji are together. 

And if the world ends, it spares them. 

_Let’s just live together in the forest, right, Levi?_

* * *

Hanji’s story is coming to a close. 

She talks about meeting Pieck and Magath and the alliance she forms. The almost execution of Onyankopon and Yelena, and the conviction she held and still holds on to that convinced Jean and Mikasa. 

“I’m still a member of the Survey Corps,” Jean affirms. “You are still my Commander, Hanji-san. I go where you go.”

It touches her heart, how even in the midst of the apocalypse, she still has Jean’s loyalty.

She continues. How she rode Pieck’s Titan, how they stayed in the forest and how she provided the food, how Magath was being a pain in the ass and how Jean punched Reiner. It wasn’t going well, and she wanted to tear her hair out out of frustration and exhaustion and agitation, but she has been Commander for four years and has learned to keep her cool. How they rescued the Azumabito’s and how she battled the Yeagerists who were once her soldiers whom she knows by name until she is surrounded by their bodies on the roof, committing each of their faces to memory. How she becomes executioner and saviour all at once. 

The night at the boat she tends to Levi, feeling a sense of dread.

“Hey Levi,” She looks out the window, putting bandages back on him. “What would you do if I die?”

“What are you saying, Hanji? Like hell you would. You’re unkillable as a cockroach.”

“Funny. But I’m serious. What would you do?” 

Levi replies solemnly after a while. “I’ll die with you.”

She slaps his back and instantly regrets it. “Sorry. Knee-jerk reaction. Don’t be stupid, what if I’m dying to protect you? I don’t want you to die.”

He glares at her. “Not happening. I’ll be the one dying to protect you.”

His words do nothing to placate her. She lays a hand on his back tenderly. “You’re sweet, but you’re in no condition to be protecting anyone. You’re not even supposed to be here, you stubborn asshole. Levi, what would you do?”

He turns toward her. “It’s not happening.”

She’s starting to palpitate, the dread gets bigger. “Levi, answer the question. Would you mourn for me? Would you remember me?”

“Of course I will,” He takes her trembling hands and places his on top of it, “But I’m not letting you go for any stupid reason. Whatever happens, we do it together.”

It calms her. They both hear a gunshot, she turns to leave the room, until Levi holds on to her arm.

“Oi, Hanji,” He says with all the love in his eyes. “We should have stayed in that damn forest.”

They reach Odiha. Floch appears, shooting the boat. He dies in her arms. _Don’t go_ , his last words were, _don’t go_. The rumbling catches up to them. They need to fix the boat and it will take time, but the titans are getting closer, so she —

She —

“Hello?...Hanji-san? Hanji-san?”

Hanji comes to Eren waving his hands in front of her. She must have spaced out, remembering her death.

_I killed my comrades to come this far. I brought all of us here, I’ll take responsibility for all of it._

_Dedicate your heart._

_Titans are really wonderful._

_See you later, Hanji. Watch over us,_ a whisper in the wind.

Eren glances at her with worry. “You okay? What happened next? You didn’t say the part where you burned?”

“They...they fixed the engine in time.” It was not a lie. She tries to placate him, mostly herself. “The boat broke again and we landed in the city. It was on fire so I tried to save civilians, and I burned. The Scouts got me and I woke up here, in Paths, talking to you!” She pinches his cheeks. “I must be resting somewhere. And that’s it! My story is done.”

“They didn’t deserve it. You almost died because of me,” Eren comments regretfully.

Hanji wraps her arms around him. She stares longingly at the light. “But I didn’t, didn’t I? Your friends and Levi are still alive. I protected them.”

“Yeah, but you shouldn’t have tried to save those people. They were all going to die anyways. Don’t do that again..”

“I won’t, I promise.”

Her child clutches her hand tighter. She lingers as long as she needs. Hanji and Eren deserve this quiet moment for themselves, before she has to go. 

“Do you know I love you?” She asks, trying to find a reason to stay.

“I do,” Kid Eren voices. “I love you too.”

“I love how innocent and determined you are, I love how you look at me like I have all the answers in the world,” Hanji narrates one last time. Someone needs to remember her story. “I love Mikasa’s dedication and maturity, and Connie’s good heart and spirit. I miss Sasha’s affection and lightheartedness, she will always be irreplaceable. Jean had a chat with me about how he thought of running away, and I love his trust and assurance in me, and Armin’s my brilliant protege. He follows me wherever I go, like a little duckling, like Onyankopon, a good friend. Historia’s so spunky and responsible at the same time it’s kind of hard to imagine she had it in her. And Levi’s just one big softy. I hope he enjoyed our years together.”

Hanji kisses his forehead. The pink and purple flowers around them blooms and shine, as if they know. “I know I hated it, but looking back I think I did them proud. If this was my purpose I don’t regret it. I took care of our family. It was an honour to be your Commander and parent, Eren. I had a good time.”

“I hate to interrupt, but why does it sound like goodbye?” The child within him looks at her with earnest eyes. The incandescence miles away refracts in his irises.

She cups his cheek and stands up tenderly. “Because it is. I have to go, Eren.”

“Don’t go!” He has morphed into his adult self and hugs her tightly. Hanji hugs back. She tries to memorize his shape and gather her courage.

“I need to. They’re waiting for me, remember?” She cups his cheek and feels tears. They have shed so many since she got here, but would he cry for her if he knew?. She wipes it away in a sense of deja vu. “I’m sure we’ll meet again someday.”

“Is this because of the rumbling? You haven’t forgiven me yet? I’m sorry, Hanji-san, I am.” He mutters deeply in her hair. 

“It’s not that. And I forgive you, Eren. Everyone you love will leave you someday,” Hanji utters back the words she said to Mikasa in Shiganshina, “And today, you need to let me go.”

“We’ll go back to being enemies, right? Do you really have to?”

She nods. “Yes.”

“Then, if this is goodbye,” He ruffles around his cardigan. “Close your eyes.”

She obeys. Hanji then feels a weight on her head, near the braids Eren has done. It tickles and pricks her skin gently at the same time, weaved with strong stems.

She opens her eyes and marvels at the amaranthine flower crown Eren has been working on and has put on her, made from the various flowers and plants that surround them. In another life, she would have studied it to her heart’s content.

“You made this, for...for me?”

He shuffles his feet. “Do you like it?”

“I don’t like it, I _love_ it,” She kisses his cheek and takes him in her arms. “Thank you.”

They dance in the middle of the meadow, magenta springs dazzling both of them. One last twirl and she leaves. She waves at him a good distance away, going down on the little hill they sat on for hours. “Goodbye, Eren!”

“Bye, Hanji-san!” He shouts, “Say hi to our family for me!”

Hanji starts her journey the final time. She goes through the lilac grasses that seem to go on for miles on miles. Unlike that day on Odiha, she feels no panic or regrets. She has done all she could. She trusts her family. It’s time for her to rest. 

Hanji knows the answer lies with Ymir, and that she will send her where she belongs, but as she made it to the light that beams across the heavens, she has to tell them. They need to know.

She touches the ray connecting all Eldians together. Power of a thousand suns courses through her, and Hanji almost gets lost in it, but she is nothing but unwavering. Only three words, what she should have said years ago. 

“I love you,” Hanji pours all her heart on it and sings, illuminating the galaxy. She hopes it reaches them.

(It does. The Scouts know where it comes from, who it comes from and it gives them the final push to end the rumbling. When he feels like giving up, the song replays in his head. Levi continues to fight for life.)

Ymir appears before her. For once, she smiles; it brightens her once empty eyes, now full of vitality. This is Ymir, her ancestor. Where it all began. “Well done, Hanji Zoe. Have you done everything you wish?”

“I have.” 

Ymir becomes a grown woman, the mother, the matriarch. The link to all life. She cups her cheeks, the same way she did to Eren. She is the warm coffee after the rain, the perfume of a mother after their parting and the hands of a long lost friend.

“I am proud of you, my child. Do you wish to go with the others?”

She smiles through the tears. “I do.”

Ymir backs away and offers her hand, “Take my hand and I will send you home.”

Hanji hesitates. Is this it? Is this where Hanji Zoe’s story ends?

She thinks back to her life and victory and triumphs. Hanji graduated with honours, the first female student in the academy. She joined the Survey Corps and changed it forever, with her fire, dedication and innovation for science. Hanji becomes the first one to capture a Titan in a century, study it and learn its origins. Her forward and unconventional way of thinking catapults her to Squad Leader, commanding four squads and led it to become the most intelligent unit with its talent of invention and logistics. She thinks of Moblit, Nifa, Keiji, Abel, Ilse and her members throughout the years who kept her alive and how she wouldn’t have made it this far without them. She then becomes the first head researcher of Titan shifters outside of the Reiss family. She was Erwin’s second in command and fourth only to Mike and Nanaba. She survived the Colossal Titans twice. She pinpointed Reiner, Bertholdt’s and the Reiss castle’s location based only on her mind. She won a coup d'etat on her own through bringing people together and transforming their reputation. She builds the first ever thunder spears which led to the defeat of the Armored Titan. She survives Shiganshina through Moblit’s sacrifice. 

Hanji becomes the 14th Commander of the Survey Corps. She killed all Titans on the island. She helped humanity reach the sea and sky. She led Paradis to an age of innovation, and spearheaded the development of trains, ports, machines, ships and their engineering with the help of Onyankopon. She conducted the coalition with Zeke, Marleyan volunteers and the Azumabitos and the infiltration of Marley. She headed the attack of Liberio and then uncovered Eren and the Yeagerists. She saves Falco in the restaurant and Levi in the forest. She made the alliance with her enemies to stop the rumbling. And then she sacrificed herself and killed four colossal titans, buying them time and stopping by at Paths.

Hanji has done so much, but will it be enough? Will she be remembered? Or will her name wash away, like sand on the shore?

Hanji closes her eyes. She remembers her mom and dad, of her squad’s late nights in the lab and the Veteran’s drinking sessions out town. Of her books and studies and research. Of Levi’s hand in hers, leaves rustling and waves roaring.

She feels pain in her chest. Is she really okay with this, being forgotten? Leaving her family? 

Then Hanji remembers the wind embracing her and gliding through the sky. Hanji Zoe died not as the Commander, or the scientist or the Scout, she died free, as the child with the world in her eyes that loved humanity so much that she glided through the sky, defeated the Titans which has captivated her mind, burned with the fire that has always been inside of her, and crashed in the sea that cleansed her.

She is reminded of joy, of pain, of sorrow. Of wonder and curiosity. Of heartbreak and love.

She has lived life to the fullest.

Hanji Zoe’s lips form into her signature grin, “Life is truly wonderful,” and takes Ymir’s hand. Light envelops her. She glows. It is warm. It feels like flying, like Moblit’s hand and Levi’s arms around her, like happiness and rest and the tranquility of the ocean and nature. Like her mother’s lullaby. 

It feels like home. 

* * *

“I won’t stop you. You are free.”

Jean has had enough of Eren’s bullshit. “Oh yeah, free to die like Hanji-san did?”

The air in Paths stills, a tension that can be cut with a blade. Pieck observes the Scouts. The mention paralyzes them, and some have watery eyes.

On the other side, Zeke stops building his sandcastle in shock.

It shocks Eren, too. He transforms in his adult self. “What? That can’t be true. Why isn’t Hanji-san with you?”

Another silence. Connie starts sobbing. Levi just sits on the sand, unfeeling, like none of it is real. 

Armin breaks it. He gapes at his childhood friend. 

“Eren, how do — how do you not know?” Armin blinks, water forming in his tear ducts. He can’t believe he has to be the one to say it, and saying it makes it real, and he wishes it wasn’t real. But none of them can face it. Her absence is still too fresh, “H-Hanji-san is dead. She died when you marched at Odiha. She — she killed four colossal titans, and she, she burned. We saw her f-fall from the sky.”

“No, that’s not true!” Eren shrieks, his expression of pure horror, eyes bulging, “She — she was right here!” He points on his side, “Right here! We made a sandcastle and I apologized and she forgave me and we talked and Hanji-san told me about the Survey Corps —”

”What the fuck are you talking about, you murdered her, you fucking bastard!” Jean loses it and steps towards Eren, Reiner and Connie restraining him, “I’ll kill you! I’ll FUCKING KILL YOU MYSELF! You MOTHERFUCKER! Get off of me!”

Eren tears up. This is not what he expected. “No, you’re — you’re wrong! She was here, In Paths! We talked about you guys and the alliance and her burning at the city and how she loved you guys and she was going to return to you so she told me to let her go, THAT was real! Hanji-san was real! Hanji-san’s not dead, SHE’S STILL ALIVE, right, Ymir?!” 

He turns to Ymir desperately. She only shakes her head.

Mikasa cries, “Stop, Eren, just stop. Please stop.”

Eren focuses on everyone’s miserable expressions and cuts the connection. He feels his world shatter. Hanji-san, dead? Never to be seen again? So when she said goodbye, that was real?

It really was goodbye? Eren thinks of Hanji and her manic smile, the glint of her glasses, the comfort of her embrace, the love in her eyes — reduced to a trampled and scarred corpse, like the thousands he has already killed. Only this time, it hit too close to home. Was she really gone? Did _he_ kill her?

Did he kill Hanji-san? His mentor, the parent he never thought he had? Eren drops to his knees. The first person that believed in him and did not see him as a monster? Gone? Dead? And he killed her? But he did this for her, she wasn’t supposed to die. He unravels in his grief. Torment stretches him thin. His chest hurt like never before. He felt like he lost his mother a second time. 

“You alright?” Ymir lays a hand on his back. He feels Zeke’s piercing glare.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He demands through the tears, “I did so many things, said so many things I regret, I said sorry but it was never enough, I thought I could make it up to her, I thought we had more time, _I wish we had more time_ , why didn’t you tell me?!”

He thinks of Hanji the first time they saw the ocean and the field of flowers and it is replaced by a face marred with burns and scars and death. It is not her, not her at all. She isn’t dead. Yet he knows in his heart she is gone.

“She did not want you to know,” Ymir replies. “She is in peace now. Do not worry about her,”

“WHY DID YOU LET HER GO?!” Eren screams at her face, “You’re supposed to follow me, ME! Did I order you to?!”

Ymir does not flinch. “She wanted to rest. So I let her. Do not blame yourself for this, Eren. It is the price you paid for the rumbling.”

“She isn’t just a price!” Eren roared like a wild animal, “She’s important to me and I love her!”

“And yet you let her die,” Ymir walks away.

Eren crouches to the ground in all fours, punching the sand. _I love her I love her I love you Hanji-san,_ “I loved her, I loved her.” Why do his tears keep falling? 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” He lets out a guttural cry and collapses. Zeke holds him, and for the first time, he feels solidarity from his brother. Yet it's too late. Too late for them. Too late for him, for Hanji is dead. 

_I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry. Please forgive me, Hanji-san. I’m sorry_. Zeke holds him as he bawls and mourns and yells. If he just knew, he would have stopped the rumbling there and then. Or would he? Hanji has begged him so many times. Would he, if it meant she would live?

He cannot say. But she is gone, and stopping the rumbling now wouldn’t save her, nor bring her back.

_It would have. If I just knew, I wouldn’t have let you go. You were wrong, Hanji-san. Nothing is good about me. I’m irredeemable. I killed you, one of the last people I have,_ He cries in his brother’s arms. _I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry._

Yet her words still ring in the air.

_I forgive you, Eren._

* * *

“Fly high, Hanji,” Her parents once told her.

Oh did she fly.

* * *

She flew through the sky with her 3DM gear. The atmosphere is her kingdom, and when she glides, she is free. Every expedition and the ones after, she fights altitude, velocity, gravity and wind. When people fell, Hanji soared. She flew across her unconventional childhood, across the Survey Corps, her Titan studies and research, her position as Squad Leader and Commander, and over Wall Maria and Rose, Shiganshina, the ocean which she loved, Marley, Liberio, the forests, and Odiha. She flew towards the colossal titans, too.

With her burns, she is a phoenix that has risen above the ashes. Death fears her. 

As she soars across the clouds one last time and forevermore, Hanji Zoe flew like a bird without wings, and never stopped flying. 

* * *

Leaves from the vine, falling so slow

Like fragile tiny shells, drifting in the foam

Little soldier boy, comes marching home,

Brave soldier boy, comes marching home

**Author's Note:**

> Art by me.
> 
> It's supposed to be a one shot, but ah well, I wanted to post this in the month of love. There's still a continuation of this from Levi's POV, and Hanji's not really forgotten. Once the second part is done, I plan to post the second chapter, delete it, then add it onto this one :P Zeke is crazy from Paths, Eren is a manchild, and Hanji's just so tired they slow dance in a spirit meadow. If you're wondering why they're out of character and why Hanji forgives Eren easily, people who are dying don't hold on to anger and Eren has a mentality of a child and he regrets what happened in the prison. Plus he misses her! And when he attacks her he still calls her Hanji-san like bruh. You really tryna be respectful now? So it's probably another word for mom xd Jean's reaction is my initial reaction reading that chapter, screaming at my laptop.
> 
> Loosely inspired by "Together at the knife's edge of the end" by Gloria Rewritten (Gloria, please come back! I love that fic so much, I even messaged AO3 about it, THATS how much I love it) and "Rest in Peace, Paradise" by Smallblip. 
> 
> I dedicate this to all of the Hanji stans and the Levihan fandom, your art, fanfics, tweets, memes, social media AU's heck even dance really invigorated me and made me so happy, I can't express how much I love you guys. Please wait for the last installment :) 
> 
> I also made a playlist: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLiHVPzU67fdvQYNnJKWgJT96YknQW3G_E
> 
> Hanji dies - Portrait of Lady on Fire, Fake wings, Neptune  
> Zeke's perspective - Lovely, The Moth, He doesn't know why  
> She attacks him and lets go - Torment, You are my Baby Miss  
> Hanji has a panic attack - Hidden Machinations. Get Free, Bad Apple, Derniere Danse, Pay My Debts  
> Hanji recovers - Call Your Heroes, Ninelie, I am Moana  
> She journeys towards Eren - Roots, Apotheosis  
> Hanji and Eren reunite - Reunion  
> Eren attacks Hanji - Forgotten Odes, Event Horizon  
> Hanji has another panic attack WHILE being strangled - Never Let Me Go  
> Hanji wakes up - The Path  
> Eren apologizes - Missing Piece  
> Hanji and Zeke talk, Zeke leaves, Eren tells his life - Driven  
> Hanji tells her life - Soldier, Poet, King, King  
> Eren leads her to the field behind the light - Iorufu, Memory  
> Hanji continues telling her story - Kansha to Kakugo, Shigatsu wa Kimi no Uso, Tokyo Rain  
> Hanji wants to run away with Levi - Run  
> Hanji finishes her story details her death - Take on Me  
> She says goodbye - Endless Thoughts  
> Eren gives her a flower crown - First minute of Opetai Foai  
> Eren and Hanji slow dance - Kingdom Dance, Third Date  
> Hanji walks to the beam - Lost in Las Vegas  
> 'I love you' - Ozora ni Tobi Tatsu  
> She meets Ymir, Hanji recounts her victories - Loyal, Brave, True, Arrival of the Birds  
> 'Life is truly wonderful' - Tomorrow  
> Hanji moves on - Earth Glow, Leaves from the vine  
> Eren discovers Hanji's death - Isabella's Lullaby, Rust  
> Hanji flies - Interlude: Wings, Take flight


End file.
